run away

oh to be young again. As I walked down home stretch (the last block where my apartment becomes visible in the distance) I saw these two young boys chortling behind their hands and looking at one another as though they just discovered neverland. They closed the door carefully behind them and for a brief moment I felt the wave they were on...I tapped into the rush of being out in the free world, the unknown. I wish I could have told them all my 22 years of wisdom before they set sail down the wave of Loisaida but I think they will soon discover that there really is no place like home and when they do they will turn around. I remember sneaking out of the house as a kid almost just for the satisfaction of knowing that I could. I never liked the feeling of not being able to make my own decisions. Maybe that is part of the reason I packed my bags and moved to one of the dirtiest, loneliest and most impenetrable cities in the world; simply because I wanted to know I could! 

I am extremely into Richard Linklater right now and I can't stop watching "The waking life". Its the finest philosophy out there. It's definitely not dry and the cinematography is an art in itself. I definitely think it's worth the viewing for anyone interested in the human condition.  It's heavy... but so is the burden of the unexamined life. You choose!

As of me and my life. I have been in this weird state over the last 2 weeks. I am not sure if its lack of sleep or not but I am in a constant daze. Almost outside of myself. I feel like I am just hacking away at the days... in hopes that one day my carvings will turn into a great monument!

I am working 2 jobs and one requires me to work doubles so there are days I either go from 1 job to the other or I work 12-14 hours in one shift and after awhile that begins to take a toll. 

Days are long, nights are lonely, future is ambiguous... sometimes I think I may have taken a leave from my senses... but I have no regrets. it's all for the music!

What amazes me is the way the past was so relevant and weighty when it was the present, but as soon as it became the past it became something to laugh at. Does that make sense? It's as though I spent all my time worrying about never getting those things that I want but in retrospect I had everything I needed. I have to remember that for today and tomorrow and the rest of my life. Sometimes the here and now is the pinnacle of happiness but never gets acknowledged that way because the fear of the future trumps it. i dont know. what do i know?